This is derived from a post I saw on Facebook, and tempered with real observations of teaching in public schools.

A teacher being interviewed by an administrator:

‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.

‘You want me to go into that room with more than thirty kids, confiscate cell phones and iPods, stop bullying and sexual harassment, watch for signs of abuse, tell boys to pull up their pants, girls to cover their breasts and genitals, censor T-shirt messages, while instilling a love for learning and respect for authority.

“You want me to either whip out an Uzi or throw myself in front of deranged gun-toting wackos, who can walk off the street into a building with lax security, and few exits.

‘You want me to check backpacks for weapons, explosives, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, raise self-esteem and personal pride by celebrating expected behavior, and rewarding mediocrity.

“You want me to encourage maturity and independence in the classroom, but you won’t give me regular bathroom breaks or allow me sufficient time to eat or drink.

‘You want me to teach students how to read, write, do math, understand patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. But you don’t want me to complain about my pay, go on strike, or take a day off, even when I am sick.

“You want me to diversify my teaching, individualise to all 150 students I have per semester, and even tutor them on my time as well as attend extra-curricular events. But you don’t want to treat me like a professional, or even as a unique individual, only as a replaceable widget, a faceless drone of secondary education.

“You want me to document every idea being taught, in every assignment, and whether or not students understand it, and how I am going to reach them if they don’t or won’t understand it.  You want me to do this without having any time to plan, and my schedule filled with administrative tasks that have little or no impact on academics or student achievement, but meet the need of data gatherers who must justify their salaries by making life miserable for those who focus on learning and student success.

‘You want me to check their heads for lice, cigarette burns, signs of cutting, drug use, gang activity and other signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the standardized exams.

“And if kids come to school hungry, from broken homes, suffering from sleep deprivation, with no respect for authority, or desire to learn, and they don’t — or won’t — pass the standardized exams, I will be considered a bad teacher, have my pay cut, or be fired.

‘You also want me to provide students with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by email, letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card. But you won’t talk to me directly, or involve me in decisions that impact my job, or even inform me in a timely manner when arbitrary decisions are made.

“You want me to post grades on the Internet so parents can nit pick why their child did not get the A instead of the A+ they surely deserve, particularly when the parent does the work for them.

“You want me regularly grade student work without requiring them to be in class, and when they do miss class, I am to provide the work they missed so they can make it up, whenever they feel like it, and turn it in the day grades are due.

‘You want me to do all this using resources I have to pay for out-of-pocket, with out-dated technology and text books in the class room, and possibly with just a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a smile, while collecting a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

‘You want me to do all this, and then you tell me……

I CAN’T PRAY?’