Grandpa’s Dirty Little Secret


“Hey look here,” cousin Jim said, as he looked through a box in the attic. Charlie glanced inside. Row upon row of 9mm film canisters lay neatly stacked on the bottom.
“Old films,” Charlie commented. “Sweet! I wonder what they are.”
Jim opened one up and unspooled some of it. “It will be difficult to tell, since we don’t have a projector. However, my friend Bill has the ability to convert these to DVD.”
“I wonder why it was buried under all these sheer scarves,” Charlie said, as he let some of the scarves slip through his fingers.
“Don’t know,” Jim replied. “I’ll get these to Bill right away.”
* * *
Three weeks later, Charlie answered the door. Jim stood there, a crooked smile on his face. “Have I got a surprise for you?” He held up a DVD.
“Is that Cannibal Vixens from Mars?”
“No, you dingleberry. It’s those movies we found in the attic.”
“Oh, that. I can’t imagine it could be much. Probably Grandpa belching the Star Spangled Banner.”
“Oh, just you wait,” Jim replied.
They proceeded to put the disk in the player.  After the inevitable 4-3-2-1 countdown, they were greeted by a soundless and grainy black and white image of a stage in a clubhouse, with a pole in the center.  Men sat at tables smoking, with drinks in their hands.

“What is this?  An Elk’s Club meeting?” Charlie muttered with disdain.

A man came out and announced something.  Charlie snorted, “And now for tonight’s entertainment Joe the taxidermist will stuff a possum.”

Instead, a woman dressed in scarves stepped out onto the stage and started moving provocatively, gliding over to the pole.  Periodically a hand would pull off one of the scarves and let it fall to the ground.  Charlie guffawed.  “Ha, a stag film! Who knew that gramps lived dangerously?”

“You’re half right,” Jim replied.

Charlie gave him a puzzled look.  The routine continued, and scarves piled up at the woman’s feet.  “Hey, she’s kind of a hotty.”  Jim burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

Jim looked at him.  “Look at her face,” he replied.

Charlie stared.  The face was familiar.  He’d seen it somewhere.  Let’s see, this film looks as if it came from the 50’s, so about 50 plus years ago.  Suddenly, Charlie’s face went white.  “Oh sweet Jesus,” he choked out.  “That couldn’t be–”

“It is,” Jim interjected.

“Oh, God no,” Charlie stammered. “Grandma?!”

“Yup, sure is.”  The woman wrapped a leg around the pole, reached up and took hold of it with her hands.  Then in one long, slow movement, she raised the other above her head.  “She was pretty flexible back then.”  The last of the scarves dropped off.  “Wow, I didn’t know that they had Brazilian’s back then.”

Charlie shook his head in horror, as he rubbed his eyes with his fists.  “Oh, I wish I had a memory sponge.  What should we do with this?”

“I know what I’m putting in Grandpa’s stocking for Christmas,” Jim replied.

“Don’t forget the digitalis,” Charlie said.

2 thoughts on “Grandpa’s Dirty Little Secret

  1. I love how you’ve changed this up! It’s such a funny/cute story that makes you shudder to think of your own Grandparents like this, LOL!

    I did have one thing though; in the line “The woman wrapped a leg around the pole, reached up and took hold of it with his hands.”…shouldn’t that be “her” hands? 🙂


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